Why I'm no longer christian (for real this time!)

Content warning: non-graphic discussions of sexual assault and abuse.

I have read too many verses on how god allows and doesn’t punish rape in the Bible. Now I know why the christian god never answered my prayers. Because women are under men and second in society, and have always been. I tried to excuse the bible for so long. Now I have read enough of it to know that I’m officially no longer christian.

How I read the bible, which led me to lose my faith

It makes no sense to believe the christian god is good when I read the bible. He states he is a jealous god, and he acts with wrath - but doesn’t extend the same behaviours to people. If a person were to do the same thing, it would be a sin… It makes no sense anymore.

I was raped, tortured, abused, beaten, tied up, mistreated, ridiculed… Never did god intervene. Never did anything get better. Until I found another, more powerful and fair religion for me as a woman. I found Wicca, and it makes sense. And no, this wasn’t for my own ego, it was because I read the bible and literally got flashbacks, and it triggered old memories when I read how women were treated and what they were good for. Then I compared it with wiccan teachings and books, and I saw empowering messages and logical answers. To me, it makes more sense to believe there are both a God and Goddess (with many faces, a.k.a different gods and goddesses within them) since the earth has both men and women, than to believe there is only one god and we call him a masculine pronoun and attach masculinity to him.

How I saved myself

I became wiccan and lived it out. I’m no longer afraid of what others might think of me and my occult interests. I feel like the making of a book of shadows with my own spiritual knowledge instead of a holy book that only triggers me is a great shift to loving myself more and becoming kinder to myself.

I have tried to justify being a christian for way too long. Now I understand exactly why the christian god never saved me. I’m not someone deserving of that according to the bible.

Now what?

I will still keep my journaling bibles solely for the purpose of my own written thoughts within them. Other than that, I will stop my bible reading plans and I will focus on what I already do, but do it more: reading wiccan books and other occult literature. I have just received “Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft,” which is a self-study on wicca. I also have a book about the trinitarian wiccan tradition, which I want to continue reading.

I feel like trauma-informed therapy helps me a lot to identify my values and what’s best for me. Just that I converted from christianity to wicca is a great progress, and I love it!

Written by Trix