Childfree and choosing it: You should ask yourself why you want kids - not the other way around!
Yes, it’s possible to like kids and simultaneously not want them! I’m gonna tell you how that works.
I love kids, but I don’t want them and I cannot have them since I have PCOS so that makes it so I’m clinically infertile, so I think my brain and body is very aligned. My partner (also assigned female at birth and is trans just like me) is at the same page as me; loving them but not wanting them. We’re both proud over our nieces and nephew and they love us!
But here’s the thing…
It’s not selfish to don’t want kids even if you can have them. There is no wrong reason to not have kids, but there are plenty of bad reasons to have them. My moral stance is instead that you should actively ask yourself why you want to have children, rather than anything else! If you can't answer that question and feel satisfied with the answer, then you shouldn't have a child and I will not apologize for saying that.
"But the birth rate is declining!"
I think there is no moral obligation to have children to continue the human race either. I frankly do not care if the human race continues. Two things can be true at the same time and that is that I care about the people who are currently alive but don't care about if the entire human race has a place in the future of the earth. So declining birth rates and stuff don't really bother me at all. I think you can be a great person who cares about humans and help others, but also don't care about if we die out (because of fair reasons like old age, etc).
Two things can be true at the same time and that is that I care about the people who are currently alive but don't care about if the entire human race has a place in the future of the earth.
I know I don't have to provide any reasons for my choice to remain childfree but I will anyway.
- I'm poor.
- I'm disabled.
- Sensory issues and overstimulation due to autism makes it impossible with everything: from pregnancy and birthing to even having a child makes it impossible and almost torturous with sensory inputs!
- I have RA - mainly in my legs and I don't want to end up in a wheelchair if can be avoided.
- I have genetical conditions I don't want to pass over to a child.
- I don't think you should have a child if you doubt that you can meet your child's needs, and I think I wouldn't do that - both financially and emotionally since I have my own struggles.
- I don't want to alter my body.
- I don't want to trade in my hobbies and academic pursuits for changing diapers and raising kids.
- Extra money should go to new notebooks.
- I much rather spend time doing arts and have a good night sleep. Sorry not sorry!
I'm so sick of people saying that childfree people have more time on their hands...
...As if you weren't the one choosing to have your child? Sure. Sure! There are circumstances where a person might be forced or coerced into having a child. I'm not minimizing that. But if you chose it, you have no right to tell childfree people we have too much time or resent us because of it. I never told you which life choices you had to do!
To end on a more bright note, can I just say...
... Children are lovely! And they are not the target of my frustration in this article! It's some of the parents I have a problem with, not the kids themselves... I love to hang out with children, to listen to them, to be a safe adult for the kids in my life.
I'm very uncomfortable with people who say they hate kids. It's equally wrong to hate them as to force someone to have them!
xx
Trix